Fantasy Title: Noun1 of the Noun2

Confession: I write most effectively at work, when I'm supposed to be doing something else.

Reading:

• Master of the Cauldron, by David Drake

Writing:

• "Illuminated"

I completed my study of On Writing today, and the one thing I noticed most was how much of a narrative thread it had, for a non-fiction book. I wouldn't exactly claim it had a plot, per se, but not far from it.

It wasn't an autobiography of King as much as it was the biography of his writing career. The first part of the story was how he got there, and the middle section ("On Writing") was where he was, what he had learned. What struck me was the last section, which detailed his infamous accident and his recovery afterwards. (I already knew the details, having read The Dark Tower series, in which the incident plays a prominent role.

His writing would have moved me to tears, had I not been in the middle of a pizza place at the time. (Shout out to Tony's Pizza, Montauk Hwy in Bayport just east of Sayville.) It perfectly encapsulated the power that writing has, not miraculous, but inspiring nonetheless.

No sooner had that book cooled than I started another, also in Tony's. It's David Drake's Master of the Cauldron, the sixth volume in Drake's Lord of the Isles series.

A little backstory: over two years ago, I went through my old books in my parents' attic and did something I had rarely done before--picked out books to get rid of. I'm one of nature's packrats, but when it comes to books, I have no self-control. In my one-bedroom apartment, I've counted more than one thousand, and those are just the ones that I couldn't bear to be parted from when I moved here. (That's not true, because I probably bought about 100 of those in the past year I've been here.) As you can imagine, no one likes to help me move.

Anyway, I sold them to a used bookstore and got all kinds of store credit. Among the new acquisitions was the first three books in Drake's Lord of the Isles series. I thought it was a trilogy, in fact, but imagine my surprise when I learned that I was just getting started? So much for cleaning out some of the bulk of books.

They're... okay. That's no insult to Drake, especially since (as I understand it) his true talent lies with the military sci-fi genre. But I was left with the feeling that I could do better, at least in the mechanical aspect.

What kept me reading was the story. Anyone who has read this series knows that, after the first book, they're all identical. Main characters get separated and sent to alternate worlds; they do good deeds and are coincidentally reunited at the same place and time in order to do final battle with the villain. It's a formula, pure and simple, and one that appears to work (sales wise) for Drake, but it sure does take a lot of the surprise out for the reader.

A note on a few of the characters--the nominal main character is Garric, shepherd turned prince. Turns out he's the direct descendant of the former King of the Isles, and Garric is tasked with following in his footsteps and uniting the realm. His plotline shows how his inherent goodness and kingliness always win the day.

Then there's Cashel, his best friend, who most closely resembles Perrin from Jordan's Wheel of Time series. The gentle giant, simple but trustworthy--his plots always entail how that simple trustworthiness, paired with an indestructible body and fighting ability, confound his enemies. Oh, and he's in love with Sharina.

That's Garric's sister, and the most interesting thing that happened to her was in the first book when her mentor died. Yeah. Now she babysits the elderly wizard lady Tenoctris.

The most interesting character is Ilna, Cashel's sister, who spent the whole first book possessed by Evil. (Hey, Drake uses the capital E, not me.) She got away and got some neat-o magical powers out of the deal, but is the only character who has ever been tempted to do anything wrong ever before in her life ever. I'm not sure if Drake quite knows what to do with her, though, because she's been spending most of her time lately going over the same emotional ground, book after book.

The prologue of Master of the Cauldron is the typical fantasy beginning, where the bad guys start their evil plot. If they'd been wearing signs that said, "This will become important by chapter four," it wouldn't have given anything away. No real hook, just a lot of magic words, and the unveiling of a new person who wants to become Lord of the Isles instead of Garric. (Other than the fact that Garric is the main character, the book thus far gives us no reason to prefer him to this other guy.)

I'm going to make a remarkable promise now. If I ever write a series of fantasy novels, not a single one will use the Noun1 of the Noun2 title format. Not one, dammit!

In the foreword, Drake stated that he wanted to make the book accessible to people who hadn't read the first five. His way of doing this is for chapter 1 to dabble in each of the four main characters' point of view for a few pages. Garric and Cashel's sections are embarassingly similar (fighting is bad, but I love my lady type person!). Ilna once again decides to be good instead of evil, and Sharina babysits Tenoctris. There ya go.

If you're reading this post, you might be saying to yourself, "All right, jackass, you thought you could do better, then fucking prove it!" Okay, then, I'll tell you what I'd do different.

First, I'd start the book in medias res. Do you want the reader to become acquainted, or at least reacquainted, with the characters? Fine, but first you have to get them interested, or at least reinterested, with the characters. Long expository passages, even from a POV, aren't the best way of doing that. Give me some action, some interaction, some substantive dialogue. I want tension! Maybe address one character in the first chapter, and branch out to the other POVs in the subsequent chapter. That way it sounds less like a book report, and more like the beginning of an enthralling new novel. Hell, I'm 23 pages in, and all I've had is a boat docking and a spell of uncertain effect. Give me more!

As for the prologue, we've got a pair of magic types casting spells. We don't know what the spells are doing, and we don't get a lot of description of even what casting them is like, other than some nonsense words. If you want to establish that these are bad guys, get them doing something evil! Give us a cruel twist at the end of the prologue, so just before we see the good guys for the first time, we're thinking, "Shit, how are they gonna get out of this one?"

It's not my story, so it's not my job to rewrite it. I just hope that with my own fiction, I have the stone cold balls to look and see what's wrong, and the tools to fix it afterwards.