Where Ferian is Going Next

Confession: I don't believe in superstitions, but will still follow them. I tell myself it's a cultural thing, but somehow, it just feels right to do sometimes.

Reading:

• "L. DeBard and Aliette: A Love Story," by Lauren Groff
  
• The House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton
  

Writing:

• "Ferian Fetlock Hitches a Ride" - 1,245 words (Estimated completion 14%)
• "Ferian Fetlock Catches a Cold" - Outline 100%
  

Revising:

• "The Revenant"
• "Cora and the Sea" - Third draft 50%

As you can see above, I got a good start on the new Ferian today. I wrote around four pages of new story. I would have accomplished more, but I spent the first hour or two revising my outline, and the finished story is better for it.

In an earlier post I said the next Ferian arc would be broken up into two chapters, and I'm sticking with that. What I didn't say was how long Chapter Two was likely to be. I'm guessing now that it will reach about 9,000 words. In comparison, the first chapter topped out at just over 6,000. Then, Chapter Three will probably hit the 6,000 mark itself.

The thing is, I know how I write. When I start a story, the plot arcs tend to be fairly short. Later on, they get more complicated once the characters are developed enough to hold up to it. And I still have one more arc planned, which will introduce the final main character, and conclude the first act of the book. At that point, the book will stand at about 40,000 + words, by my estimate.

In comparison, the average fantasy genre novel runs around 125,000 words. If the first three arcs make up the first of three acts, then I'm on target for a novel-length story, all right. Of course, there's more to a novel than length. The question is, do I have enough story for a novel, especially since I have still only planned the first act?

The answer is, probably. I've been setting up some threads for later on. There's only one in the first chapter, and Ten Points for Gryffindor if you can spot it.

Holy shit, the Firefox spell checker accepted Gryffindor as a correct spelling. I love it!

Anyway, chapter two introduces a few more big ones, which I will not give away either. Again, see if you can spot them!

Publication Status:

• Submitted: 5
  
• Accepted: 1
• Rejected: 1
• Pending: 3

A Part of Myself

Confession: Every so often, while I'm eating sushi, I have a "what the hell am I doing?" moment. It passes.

Reading:

• "L. DeBard and Aliette: A Love Story," by Lauren Groff
  
• The House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton
  

Writing:

• "Ferian Fetlock Catches a Cold" - Outline 100%
  

Revising:

• "The Revenant"
• "Cora and the Sea" - Third draft 50%

Do you see that? Do you? The Ferian outline is done. Hells yeah. Woo hoo! W00t! Etc. I took a nice long Ramble tonight and finished it to my satisfaction. That's not to say that it won't change somewhat in the composition, but now I'm in a position to actually do that composition tomorrow.

And that is still my plan, to go to Greenport and knock Ferian over the head. If I can manage to get the same seat in the same cafe I went to last time, all the better. (Hmmm... hope it's open on Sundays.)

What was the mystery piece of the puzzle that I hadn't figured out? Well, it was a matter of conscience, really. Ferian is a character unlike me. He does things that I would not do. As a result, unless I think about it, I wind up making him react and feel as I would, and that's not right at all.

I think I put a part of myself into all of my characters. I have to--I don't know anyone else from the inside looking out, so a lot of who I am and how I think informs the way I write. And for the most part, I can successfully write a POV character that is mostly unlike me by writing about myself, but through a filter.

Ferian isn't like that, I think it's because his morality and mine are dissimilar. As a result, it takes an extra effort to understand how he would be motivated in a given situation. He's pretty selfish at heart. Once he tried not to be, and it backfired, so now he embraces it. There's still a bit of selflessness left in him, and people see that. Some people are attracted to him because of it. But then he acts selfishly, and those people feel betrayed. And Ferian is upset, because he never claimed to be anything but selfish, and they're just reacting to their own opinion of him. Except a little part of him does feel bad, and it makes Ferian feel like a traitor, and he hates that.

In other words, expect Ferian to get more callous every time someone penetrates his exterior, even just a little bit. Because he has to prove to himself that he's only looking out for himself.

He's a very lonely man. And it's not in my nature to leave him like that forever. I think the longer I write him, he'll change to be a nicer person. But would that be a betrayal of the character? How quickly should that happen? And for the purposes of the story, does he become uninteresting the moment he becomes a hero?

Publication Status:

• Submitted: 5
  
• Accepted: 1
• Rejected: 1
• Pending: 3

A Tour of My Bookshelves, Part 4 of 33

Confession: I save these for when I can't think of anything else to write on.

Reading:

• "L. DeBard and Aliette: A Love Story," by Lauren Groff
  
• The House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton
  

Writing:

• "Ferian Fetlock Catches a Cold" - Outline 95%
  

Revising:

• "The Revenant"
• "Cora and the Sea" - Third draft 50%

The previous entries in this series:

• Part 1
• Part 2
• Part 3
  

Immediately below the Wall of Lost Paperbacks is the Irish Collection. It begins, on the far left, with the poetry of Robert Burns (shut up, I know he's Scottish) and continues with one of the adventures of Horatio Hornblower (shut up, I know he's English).

From there, the name of the shelf makes more sense. For many years, whenever St. Patrick's Day rolled around, I would buy (or receive as a present) a book somehow related to Ireland. There's poetry (which I haven't read), folk tales (which I have), short stories, humor, etc. One of these books, the seventh from the left, accompanied me to Costa Rica over ten years ago.

Also featured are the first two volumes of the Fallon trilogy by Robert Jordan. They are historical fiction, which might come as a surprise for those who know him better for his fantasy works. They're also a little racy in places, which came as a surprise. Each book focuses on a generation of the Fallons, and they're a good introduction to colonial South Carolina. Why are they here? Well, the original Fallon was Irish. Does that count?

To the right of the Irish Collection is Anthology Alley. The two volumes standing upright, which you can't read, are The Book of Oxford English Verse and Stories Children Need. The latter is in bad shape, and I mainly keep it around for its wonderful musty smell.

The books lying down are also anthologies, some purchased as a textbook (thanks, Norton), the others gained free. I don't typically buy anthologies of this nature, but there are some good stories in there that I wouldn't get otherwise, particularly Literature of the Eastern World and Russian and Eastern European Literature, which contains stuff you don't often find in English. I've tried, and failed, to read Victorian Love Stories: An Oxford Anthology. I keep it because you never know when pulling a Victorian love story out of your ass might be just the thing.

Publication Status:

• Submitted: 5
  
• Accepted: 1
• Rejected: 1
• Pending: 3

Stalled

Confession: I must take a perverse pleasure in sabotaging my own attempts to accomplish things. Why else would I do it so frequently?

Reading:

• "L. DeBard and Aliette: A Love Story," by Lauren Groff
  
• The House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton
  

Writing:

• "Ferian Fetlock Catches a Cold" - Outline 95%
  

Revising:

• "The Revenant"
• "Cora and the Sea" - Third draft 50%

Okay, it's been two days in a row with no progress of any kind. I feel like I've stalled out, and the best way I've discovered to get revved up is to come up with some good, short-term plans.

I mentioned before that I was heading to Greenport again this weekend for some Ferian writing. I've also decided to finish the "Cora and the Sea" revision, do the "Revenant" revision, and get at least one of those two stories, if not both, submitted to a magazine.

It's a three day weekend, after all, and I should be able to get at least that much done in three days--especially since the only other task before me is to figure out how to make a pumpkin cheesecake. (There's a trick to cheesecake, apparently--use dental floss to cut it while it's still warm. Huh.)

Beyond that, I want to do some reading, finish another sort story and maybe finally get through with House of Mirth. I've been poking along on it for weeks now, and I'm sick of seeing it up on my list.

Publication Status:

• Submitted: 5
  
• Accepted: 1
• Rejected: 1
• Pending: 3

Setup and Payoff

Confession: I stood at the writing crossroads this morning, and did the crossword instead of the outline. Bad.

Reading:

• "L. DeBard and Aliette: A Love Story," by Lauren Groff
  
• The House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton
  

Writing:

• "Ferian Fetlock Catches a Cold" - Outline 95%
  

Revising:

• "The Revenant"
• "Cora and the Sea" - Third draft 50%

I just got done watching Tropic Thunder, and I have to say, it was a well-plotted movie. Sure, some of the jokes went a little overboard, and there were inconsistencies, but that's not what I'm talking about. This was a great illustration in setup and payoff.

The biggest set piece in the movie took place at the very beginning, just past the brilliant fake previews. It served the purpose of introducing the characters and setting the stage. But every little element from that scene became important for the payoff at the end of the movie.

Using an initial scene to set up characters and setting is good storytelling. Carrying those elements through and using them for an unexpected payoff is great storytelling.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that almost nothing was wasted. Like the Indians that used every part of the buffalo, every piece of this movie served a purpose. (Except maybe for the gratuitous Tom Cruise-in-fatsuit dancing at the end. That was just for fun.) The Simple Jack bit, something that would have been a throwaway joke in another story, had a payoff. Every character, even the minor ones, got a payoff.

And it was done without the feeling that loose ends had to be tidied. It was a tight, well told story that just happened to be profane and funny. As long as you're not easily offended, go see it.

Publication Status:

• Submitted: 5
  
• Accepted: 1
• Rejected: 1
• Pending: 3

The Railroad as Metaphor

Confession: I find myself turning everything that happens to me into a narrative in my head.

Reading:

• "L. DeBard and Aliette: A Love Story," by Lauren Groff
  
• The House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton
  

Writing:

• "Ferian Fetlock Catches a Cold" - Outline 95%
  

Revising:

• "The Revenant"
• "Cora and the Sea" - Third draft 50%

First, for Ferian Fetlock fans, fear not! (I like alliteration.) I took a nice long Ramble tonight, and figured out a way around my last remaining stumbling block. (The coachman! Of course! Why didn't I think about it before?) I left the outline at 95% because there are still a few loose ends to tie up, timing and the like, but I don't anticipate much of a problem (fingers crossed, there).

After listening to a bit of Neko Case (the same album I listened to when I finished the first Ferian in Greenport, back in early July--see this post for a reminder), I took a nice long logical look at my story.

1. I know where I'm starting from.
2. I know where the ending is.

It's the middle bit that's tricky.

I think that's the case in all stories. When you think of a story, you either think of how it starts, or what happens. In fact, I challenge anyone to start a story in the middle effectively. Oh sure, there's the whole in medias res thing where you start in the middle of the action. But that just makes the middle of the chronology the beginning of the narrative, and the beginning of the chronology the middle of the narrative. If that's confusing, it's probably because I just walked seven miles.

Essentially, the process of plotting a story, for me, is the process of making the middle of the story from either end. It reminds me of the Transcontinental Railroad, which was built from west to east and east to west at the same time, and they just hoped it lined up in the middle. The nice thing about writing is that it's much, much easier to go back and redo parts of it than it would be for a railroad.

I currently plan to spend part of this weekend back in Greenport, working on the actual writing of the story. I doubt I'll finish, which will mean yet another month where my story of the month is finished the month after, but so long as it's finished, I'm not going to worry. And since this episode in Ferian's career comprises two stories/chapters, I might have my entry for September finished early.

Huh... I just notice that the next 24 hour short story contest is September 27th, which means I might (gasp) be ahead of the game going into October. Of course, I'd better finish the current Ferian arc before counting those chickens.

Publication Status:

• Submitted: 5
  
• Accepted: 1
• Rejected: 1
• Pending: 3

100 Posts and Going Strong

Confession: I didn't accomplish a thing in writing today. I thought about faking something, but when you stoop to lying on your own blog, you've gone beyond mortal help.

Reading:

• "L. DeBard and Aliette: A Love Story," by Lauren Groff
  
• The House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton
  

Writing:

• "Ferian Fetlock Catches a Cold" - Outline 85%
  

Revising:

• "The Revenant"
• "Cora and the Sea" - Third draft 50%

I was so scared at the beginning of this project that I would fail. Every other time I've tried to write something on a regular basis, it hasn't worked. So what's different about this time?

Well, the Blogger software is really easy to use, so that removes one stumbling block. I can get to it from anywhere, which removes another. But that's not really it.

Part of it is that I was finally in a place in my life where writing was a priority, and this blog is a reflection of that. Had I started it a year ago, it probably would have failed. The project I did start a year ago failed, so why should this blog be any different?

But also, this blog has kept me going in tough times over the last 3+ months. Without it, I think I would get swept along into the day-to-day routine that I would forget about writing for a period of time, and when I got back to it, I'd be rusty again, and have to start from scratch.

Well, that's not happening any more. I might not accomplish stuff every day, but every day I'm reminded of what there remains to accomplish, and that's the most important part.

Publication Status:

• Submitted: 5
  
• Accepted: 1
• Rejected: 1
• Pending: 3

Metaphors for writing

Confession: It's not that I refuse to get out of my comfort zone. It's that there are only a few ways that I'm comfortable leaving my comfort zone. In other words, my comfort zone has a comfort zone. It's all recursive.

Reading:

• "L. DeBard and Aliette: A Love Story," by Lauren Groff
  
• The House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton
  

Writing:

• "Ferian Fetlock Catches a Cold" - Outline 85%
  

Revising:

• "The Revenant"
• "Cora and the Sea" - Third draft 50%

I made a bit of progress on Ferian today. I only updated by 5% because I'm only about that much closer to the ending, but I did quite a bit more in the way I restructured the part I had already done.

It's like differential equations in mathematics. Wait, come back! No formulas, I promise. Differential equations are used to model relationships, like that between the populations of predators and their prey. (Classic DE problem, that.)

If there are a lot of predators and few prey, the predators starve and die out. That means fewer of the prey are eaten, so their population increases. Then you've got lots of prey and few predators. So the predators feast, and the population of the prey decreases. It's a vicious cycle. Literally.

How this system behaves, though, depends on what are called the initial conditions. You might hit a perfect balance between predators and prey, and there will be no change at all. You might set conditions that set up a cycle like the one I just mentioned. Or there might be so few prey and so many predators that the predators kill them off completely, and the whole population goes to nothing. It all depends on the initial conditions.

When I'm outlining a story, that's the point where I'm making things up as I go along. I usually know the ending I want to achieve, and I kind of know where I'm starting from, but the path is hidden from me, and I can only find it a little bit at a time.

Sometimes, I realize that path is heading in the wrong direction. But everything that has happened before it has followed logically, and to force the path to take a different direction would actually make the story feel contrived. So I have to go back and change things so that the direction I want is the one that follows naturally all along.

And that's what I've done with Ferian today. My initial conditions weren't quite right. I've adjusted them, and now I think I'm heading in the right direction. I won't be sure until I get where I'm going and take a look around.

Who would have realized that mathematics would be such a good metaphor for writing? Well, any mathematician who is also a writer, probably. And that got me thinking about other metaphors for writing.

Would a metaphor about metaphors be a metametaphor?

Here's one I came up with earlier this week. Good prose is like a liquid. It flows, and it can't really be compressed any more than it already is. There's surface tension, and hidden currents beneath the surface. (I couldn't figure out how to work Brownian motion into this, but if you have an idea, let me know.)

Bad prose is a gas. It needs to be compressed before it can become a liquid, like good prose. Bad prose can expand to fill any size container, but without having any more mass that in started with.

What happens if you take good prose and compress it even further? Then it turns into poetry. Poetry is a solid, you see. You really have to dig into it to be able to understand it. Poetry sits around in tiny little chunks not doing much. You kind of have to defrost it and turn it into prose in your head to get any meaning out of it.

I know, feel free to disagree, but this is my metaphor. If you don't like it, then consider--you're learning more about how I feel about prose and poetry than you are about prose and poetry themselves.

Of course, there are other states of matter. Like plasma, a superheated gas. What kind of literature is that?

That's erotica, of course. It's bad prose, but it's really, really hot.

Publication Status:

• Submitted: 5
  
• Accepted: 1
• Rejected: 1
• Pending: 3

My First (and only) Completed Novel

Confession: I'm terrifically ashamed of anything I wrote before 1998. I wonder if there's a ten year window of non-embarrassment going on?

Reading:

• "L. DeBard and Aliette: A Love Story," by Lauren Groff
  
• The House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton
  

Writing:

• "Ferian Fetlock Catches a Cold" - Outline 80%
  

Revising:

• "The Revenant"
• "Cora and the Sea" - Third draft 50%

It will never see the light of day.

Oh, you can read about it, if you like. In fact, I'll post a link to a description I wrote of it. But you will never read the actually thing.

I'm talking about The Happy Wars Saga, which stands as my first, and as of now only, completed novel. It's about 88,000 words long, which isn't bad for a high schooler. It took more than three years to complete, features a cast of hundreds of characters, and plagiarizes from nearly every book I had read and television show I had seen up to that moment.

Looking back on it, I can see my progression as a writer during that time. It's composed of fifteen parts, termed "episodes" (plagiarized from Star Wars, of course). The first episode (heavily plagiarized from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy) is nonsensical in the extreme. The next two aren't much better. The next three plagiarize more from Star Trek. Only in the last four or five do I manage any real creativity, with the threat of deadly aliens from outside the galaxy uniting warring factions. (It's only fair to mention that many years later, the same concept was used in Star Wars novels in the form of the Vuuzhan Vong. It's only fair that they plagiarize me back.)

This is not my only attempted novel, just the only one that I ever completed a draft on. Before it was a book I wrote in middle school called Space and Beyond, which I came within a few pages of finishing. Next is Floorcraft, which started out as a short story and kind of blossomed from there. Out of eight parts, I've written five and a half. And let's not forget Dairhenien's Library, often begun but never written further than Chapter One.

And now, I've decided that Ferian Fetlock is a book, not a short story. So join the club, Ferian. I won't say wait in line, but be warned--I'm fickle when it comes to finishing novels. You may not fare better than the others.

Publication Status:

• Submitted: 5
  
• Accepted: 1
• Rejected: 1
• Pending: 3

Ghostwriting

Confession: After getting 2.5 hours of sleep last night, it only took four doughnuts and a cup of coffee to carry me through the afternoon. Not too shabby.

Reading:

• "Eleanor's Music," by Mary Gordon
  
• The House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton
  

Writing:

• "Ferian Fetlock Catches a Cold" - Outline 80%
  

Revising:

• "The Revenant"
• "Cora and the Sea" - Third draft 50%

Someone asked me today if I would ever consider ghostwriting. For those of you unfamiliar with the writing biz, that's when a celebrity who can't put three words together hires some poor schlob to write their life story, but takes the credit, the byline, and any attendant accolades.

Hmmmm. I think that description is enough for you to guess my opinion.

Not all kinds of ghostwriting are like that. In fact, some of my favorite ever books were written by ghostwriters. When I was a kid, the Tom Swift series was one of my favorites. (Specifically, the third generation ones, although I also collected the second generator Tom Swift Jr. stories.) They ignited my original love for sci-fi, before I even got into Star Trek. They were supposedly written by Victor Appleton III, but there was not such person.

It's like the Hardy Boys, written by the ever prolific Franklin W. Dixon, or Nancy Drew, as penned by Carolyn Keene. The name of the author becomes a brand for the product. Who would read a Hardy Boys story by Ian Conroy?

According to Wikipedia, the original Nancy Drew author was Mildred Wirt Benson, who was given $125 per book, and gave up all her rights to the work. She was also committed to maintain confidentiality--in other words, she couldn't even say that she'd written them.

Well fuck that.

I'd rather labor in obscurity than achieve publication at that price. It's not the idea of seeing my name in print. I'll all about the pen name. But it will be my pen name, and the stories will be my stories.

Publication Status:

• Submitted: 5
  
• Accepted: 1
• Rejected: 1
• Pending: 3

Planning Ahead

Confession: In the last twenty-four hours, I've had my writing torn apart, then held up as a paragon of virtue. I'm confused and happy and humbled. But for the first time in two weeks, I really feel like a writer again.

Reading:

• "Where Will You Go When Your Skin Cannot Contain You?", by William Gay
  
• The House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton
  

Writing:

• "Ferian Fetlock Catches a Cold" - Outline 80%
  

Revising:

• "The Revenant"
• "Cora and the Sea" - Third draft 50%

I had a major breakthrough on Ferian today, and ran into a major stumbling block. It's like getting a cramp on the last lap of a race. I'll still finish, but instead of racing to the end, I'll limp in.

First, the breakthrough. I still have the story listed as "Ferian Fetlock Catches a Cold," because the general story arc I'm going to tell has that title in my head. But as I wrote my outline this morning, I discovered that there was a lot to get through before I could introduce that cold. In fact, there was so much setup that the setup needed to have a bit of an arc itself.

Here's what I mean by that--in order for the events I had planned to work, they had to be set up and developed earlier in the story. First, there are some pieces of stage business, by which I mean moving Ferian from one location to another, and establishing what assets he has at his disposal. That kind of exposition can be really boring, because it can allow the reader to see the internal workings of the story.

You've seen plays, no doubt. Scenery has to be moved. In well staged productions, your attention is drawn by action on stage left while the scenery is moved on stage right. When you look back, it's been done already, and the spell isn't broken. Or, the movement of the scenery is worked into the visual look of the play, so you want to watch, and again, the spell is maintained.

Same thing here. So to disguise the setup, I needed some story for those scenes, and I found it in a way that would also serve to develop Ferian and introduce a few minor characters that would play a part in the next section.

I now think of "Ferian Fetlock Cures a Horse" as the first chapter of a novel. Chapter two will now be titled "Ferian Fetlock Hitches a Ride," and chapter three will be called "Ferian Fetlock Catches a Cold." My tentative title for chapter four, as I've mentioned before, is "Ferian Fetlock Takes a Wife," although I find it likely that the story I've envisioned for that section will also result in multiple chapters.

Together, those three arcs will serve as the first act of the novel. It will be a standard three act progression, where the first act introduces the players, the second act complicates the situation, and the third act complicates them almost beyond redemption, before a resolution is achieved. (That's just how these things work.)

So much for the breakthrough. Now for the brick wall. I won't go into too much detail right now, but I discovered a problem. If your story is about a master criminal who executes devious plans, you actually have to think up those devious plans. I don't know how I skipped over that one detail, but until I came up to the moment of the crime, I hadn't considered that neither Ferian nor I had a plan.

Ferian doesn't work that way. He always has a plan, even if it's a bad one.

Therefore, I couldn't go forward. I need to develop my plan, go back and add the necessary threads in place, and work forward to the conclusion I envisioned. (Attentive readers will remember that I mentioned it here.)

One more bit of information before I go--I have a working title for the entire novel: The Recollections of Ferian Fetlock, Honest Merchant. Thoughts?

Publication Status:

• Submitted: 5
  
• Accepted: 1
• Rejected: 1
• Pending: 3

The Value of Density

Confession: I'm pretty blind when it comes to physical appearance. And that's a good thing, because if I weren't, I'd be totally vain.

Reading:

• "Where Will You Go When Your Skin Cannot Contain You?", by William Gay
  
• The House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton
  

Writing:

• "Ferian Fetlock Catches a Cold" - Outline 25%
  

Revising:

• "The Revenant"
• "Cora and the Sea" - Third draft 50%

"I don't get it." If you heard a rumbling noise tonight, it was my teeth. "I don't get it." They were grinding together like two massive tectonic plates. "I still don't get it." The longer my teeth stayed together, the better the chance that the biting retort would die away unspoken.

"I don't get it."

Those were the words spoken at least fifty times by the Janet (name changed), leader of a new writers' group I tried out tonight. You can't beat the location, at the local Borders just a few hundred yards from home. I spotted the advertisement on the door nearly two weeks ago, but circumstances (i.e., Miami) conspired to keep me away until tonight.

The Long Island Writers' Guild, which I have mentioned before, is a cozy little gathering. I'm not saying that there is no active criticism, but the comments tend to be general in tone and non-confrontational to a fault. Whenever I read a story, I walk away with a damn good ego-stroking.

This group was different from the start. The LIWG is not really leader-focused. It's more peer oriented, with the greatest part of the discussion generated by the comments of the other members. Tonight, Janet was very much in control. She began with a long monologue, addressed mainly to me, about why everything that I had been doing in my writing and my attempts to get published was entirely wrong.

I would have been more inclined to listen to her advice if I had had a chance to tell her about my writing and my attempts to get published.

Pretty much, it was the conversational equivalent of Plinko. You remember that game from The Price is Right, with that big board with all the pegs? You would drop a chip in the top, and it would bounce at random down along the pegs before finally settling into a slot at the bottom. The conversation just kind of bopped along, and the questions she asked (and my interrupted answers) seemed to have no real bearing on what happened next or what advice was given.

Although I had said that I wanted to write fiction, she suggested that I do freelance non-fiction. When I reaffirmed that I liked fiction, she warned me that people rarely wind up writing the kind of prose that they intend to. Oh, and the idea of writing stories that you want to write and find a magazine for them is "a rookie move," and that you stand a better chance of getting published if you pick a magazine and write the kind of story they want.

That's probably true, but it also defeats my purpose for writing. Dunno, maybe I'll change my mind when I'm not a rookie. But when she said "don't worry about writing what you enjoy," my mind just shut down.

After this barrage, the critique started, and it was unlike anything I had experienced before. It started out normal, though. I read my story aloud to the group. I had picked "Cora and the Sea," since it had recently been edited, and I had recently read it. It was fresh in my mind, not too long, and appropriate for almost any group.

"Hmmm... very creative." That was a good start. I looked around at the non-Janet faces. They were staring into the middle distance. They knew it wasn't their turn to speak. Janet spoke again. "But I don't get it."

"What don't you get?" I asked, and she answered.

The answer, it turned out, was everything. She seized on the most minute details. Sometimes the language was too archaic for her. Sometimes the vocabulary was too advanced. (Although really, who hasn't heard the word "wraith" before? Honestly!) Sometimes she just hadn't paid attention. How could she be so dense?

Over the next two hours, we went through the story paragraph by paragraph, word by word. The list of stuff she didn't get grew mountainous. The arrogance of her approach initially put me off, and I nearly laughed out loud when she accused me of arrogance about half an hour in. (In case you're wondering, I had told her that, although you should make at attempt to have a story accessible to a wide audience, I didn't think you should write for the lowest common denominator either.)

After an hour, though, I found more of her comments to agree with. I have readily acknowledged that there were aspects of that story that needed work. Among the detritus of unwarranted "I don't get it"s, there were some that were completely justified. Of those, some took just a word, and others will require entirely new paragraphs.

At some point Janet and I discovered common ground, and suddenly, things changed. She was no longer so antagonistic about her criticisms. And instead of taking offense, I began to benefit even from the most superficial "I don't get it." By the end of the evening, my story had been torn to shreds, but the pieces will make a much stronger whole, once I've had a chance to digest them.

And I learned something about myself, too. I can take the harshest criticism in the world in stride as long as I respect the critic. And I will take offense at the slightest comment when I have no respect for the critic.

Janet gave a bad first impression, or at the very least, that's how I took it. But for all her obtuseness, she knows her stuff as an editor, and I did come to respect her. I went from wishing the evening were over to anticipating the next meeting--on September 9th, so check out my blog post then for the sequel.

I think I also learned the value of such focused and directed obtuseness. In fact, that might even be the mark of a good editor.

Publication Status:

• Submitted: 5
  
• Accepted: 1
• Rejected: 1
• Pending: 3

Dairhenien's Library, Part 3

Confession: I'm not the same person I was five years ago. I don't miss him. I'm not the same person I was ten years ago. Him, I miss.

Reading:

• "Where Will You Go When Your Skin Cannot Contain You?", by William Gay
  
• The House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton
  

Writing:

• "Ferian Fetlock Catches a Cold" - Outline 25%
  

Revising:

• "The Revenant"

I've trimmed down my header stuff. Now, anything more than what I'm reading, writing, and revising will only appear when it changes. The rest will (eventually) go in my wiki.

But today, I'd like to finish my discussion of my long term fantasy project, Dairhenien's Library. If this is the first you're hearing of it, you should catch up on Part 1 and Part 2 first. I left the story of the story at the point where it figuratively and literally began to open up.

The idea of a single library with eight people and six ethereal guardians, not to mention a bad guy, sounds somewhat cramped. Plus, I had imagined a Great Room in the Library with tall windows with rounded tops (sound familiar?), and you can't have windows if you don't have an outside.

And so the Library gained grounds. There was a long stone walkway that led from its door. Barely in sight in the distance was a tall statue--I think either Fiery or Dairhenien himself was frozen there at some point--and from that place, seven others paths led off. One led to the realm of each of the guardians, and the seventh led... well, I don't remember where it led, but I'm sure it was fraught with Meaning.

Even this began to be restrictive, though. Okay, so the Earth Mother had a farm, and the Grave Master had a graveyard, and the Lighthouse Keeper had a, well, a lighthouse. What was the point? Who planted the farm? Who was buried in the graves? What was the point of the lighthouse if no one sailed? In short, it was irrational, and I wasn't a fan of that.

But so far I had just discussed what was in front of the Library. What about behind it? Well, that was easy. A desert, of course, stretching into the distance. To the west, the desert, and to the north, south, and east, the sea. A tiny spit of land jutting into an endless ocean.

Well, I couldn't bear the thought of a great lonely world with no one in it. And so I envisioned desert nomads, no doubt influenced by the Aiel in Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series. But beyond the desert there had to be something else....

You see what slippery slope I had landed upon? I was no longer writing about a Library and its denizens. I was World Building. In yesterday's post, I discussed what that tempting vice did to Tolkien. Could I escape?

The answer is no. The world developed, and the initial concept remained at the core, like the grain of sand that starts a pearl. Soon, I had continents, and history, and trees of language derivation. I had a magic system and religion and social structure and a fellowship of warriors that had lasted centuries. I had myth and legend and truth and fiction, and great tragedy seen from a distance. I had gain and loss and unrequited love and betrayal and bitterness and redemption.

And suddenly, I realized that the story had grown beyond the Library. It had taken on a life of its own. The ties to that idea were holding it back, no longer giving it sustenance. And so, reluctantly, I let them go.

There is still a character named Dairhenien, or more completely Dairhenien Pocyovin Savrel Kel'Dromai. But he doesn't have a library, and he doesn't live multiple lives. He has aged along with me, and is now in his late twenties, early thirties. The Six Guardians are now elements of his religion, and believed or disbelieved according to the individual and country. The place outside of time is still there, but I don't believe that Dairhenien will ever set foot in it.

But in that place outside of time, there is a room full of books. At some point, the character who visits that place will go into that room. And when she does, the scene will go something like this:

The room was cramped and stuffy, barely wider than the long hallway that it capped like the butt of a quarterstaff. It was tall, though. Shelves covered the walls, floor to ceiling, and those shelves were stuffed to bursting with books of all descriptions. The musty smell was overpowering, and the sense of sheer weight all around her made L. feel that she would be buried under the weight of two millenia of history, scratched out onto paper and vellum and linen and pressed reeds.

She didn't like the room. So many books made her itchy. But Dairhenien would have loved it.

Publication Status:

• Submitted: 5
  
• Accepted: 1
• Rejected: 1
• Pending: 3

Was Tolkien Really All That?

Confession: Back in 1996, I had the hugest crush on Kerri Strug

Reading:

• "Where Will You Go When Your Skin Cannot Contain You?", by William Gay
  
• The House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton
  

Writing:

• "Ferian Fetlock Catches a Cold"

Revising:

• "The Revenant"

Future Projects:

• Dairhenien's Library - Development
  
• Floorcraft - First rewrite of 1-5, first draft of 6-8
• Ferian Fetlock - "Ferian Fetlock Takes a Wife."
  
• "Motley" - Expansion
• "Fireworks and Earthworks" - 5% into first draft
  
• Untitled School Mistress Story

Unpublished Stories/Status (in chronological order of completion of first draft)

• "Pictures of the Old Port" - 5th Draft, Unsubmitted
• "What Price Stamps" - 3rd Draft, Submitted to The American Drivel Review, July 30th, 2008
  
• "The Frost Fugling" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Black Pudding" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Cora and the Sea" - 3rd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Motley" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Leaves and Sunsets" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "A Happy Ending" - 1st Draft, Unsubmitted
• "The Revenant" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
  
• "Illuminated" - 3rd Draft, Unsubmitted
  
• "A Cup of Coffee" / "Morning Tea" - 2nd Draft, Submitted to Tea: A Magazine, July 29th, 2008
• "Ferian Fetlock Cures a Horse" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Hattie Donnelly's Favorite Doll" - 2nd Draft, Submitted to 24 Hour Short Story Contest, July 27th, 2008

So far, so good in my quest to update daily. Sure, I finished reading a short story and nothing more, but it's a start, right?

That was an odd story, by the way--"My Brother Eli." It's a long, rambling narrative about a disaffected Jewish intellectual, who writes long, rambling narratives about disaffected Jewish intellectuals. If the writer himself is a disaffected Jewish intellectual, well, then you can consider my mind well and truly blown.

Seriously, it was an okay story, but nothing special for me. The ending was a depressing mire which managed to affect me not at all, which I think is a testament to how little I connected with the characters.

But tonight, I'm writing about Tolkien. I heard a question raised the other day on an episode of Chicken Fried Radio: was Lord of the Rings, and Tolkien in general, really all that great? Or is it just the same as the usual, run-of-the-mill fantasy offering you see nowadays?

Well, even if it were all the same, the fact that it was first makes it special. Very few authors can claim to have defined a genre. Wilkie Collins did it with the detective novel in The Moonstone, and P.G. Wodehouse did it with the romantic comedy, a genre that he pioneered in musical theater, and which only later made its modern transition to the silver screen.

Yes, virtually all of modern fantasy can trace its roots back to Tolkien. And no, he was not thoroughly original--he stole from mythology with both hands. But in order to really judge him, first you must ask what he set out to do.

His original purpose was to write a mythology for England. He was a student of mythology, and was very familiar with Latin, Greek, Germanic, and Scandinavian myths. He knew the Irish ones, he knew the Welsh ones. He spoke their languages and could get inside their heads. But he was disappointed, because England did not have the same mythological tradition as the surrounding nations. St. George and the Dragon, sure, and Beowulf, but what else?

So he set about to make such a mythology. To do so, he drew on the surrounding traditions, blending Finnish stories with Welsh ones with Germanic ones. His purpose was, no more and no less, to create an entire fictional body of mythology which, and here's the tricky part, could be said to have informed the extant English texts, and to have modeled the English character. In other words, he wasn't concerned so much about making a good story, but rather was concerned about getting the story "right."

The project drew him in deeper and deeper. Being a professor of linguistics, Tolkien recognized how much language informed culture, and so he created a language of his own. Two, actually; a high speech that he initially called the "Elf Latin," and a more common speech for everyday use.

Of course, the elves were effectively immortal, so their language wouldn't really change. How did the difference come about? To explain that, he needed history, and so he began to write it.

The general themes were constant throughout, although the specifics are maddeningly fluid. Names shift and change, although the underlying characters they describe emerge almost from the beginning. From the creation of the world to the sailing of the last Elven ship from Middle-Earth, Tolkien's "Mythology for England" becomes a saga spanning generations.

You remember that Hobbit book he wrote? Yeah, that was just a bedtime story he made up for his kids, and wrote down for the hell of it. He sent it to his publisher as a triviality, and it became quite popular. The fact that it was set, at least nominally, in the world of his mythology was just laziness, really. He was constantly inventing and reinventing that world, so the place names and background would naturally come to mind in an ad-libbed story. (The history of The Hobbit is actually more complicated than that, but you get the idea.)

The Hobbit was so popular that the publisher demanded a sequel, but the original lighthearted return to that world mutated even as it was being written. The ties to the world of his mythology were too strong to break, and soon, they took over completely. And what was left was the perfect juxtaposition of the simple and direct Hobbit, with whom any Englishman could relate, with the deeper world of mythology.

The reader, through the hobbits eyes, could experience that world as a tantalizing place, always just out of reach. It was something to be aspired to, something to be marvelled at, something to be a part of yet always separate from. The reader got to experience the last taste of something that would never come again, got to witness the world becoming normal, but feel the last cool breath of magic.

And it was a magic the reader could take with him, because nothing in the real world contradicted it. The mythology could have been true, it could have, and the world in which we live is just the mundane remnant of a grander time. There is regret tied up in that feeling, oh yes, but the lingering thought that what was magical once might one day be magical again.

This all happened by accident, by the way.

That's not to denigrate Tolkien at all, but his mind was set firmly in the elder days, and could only be drawn out with difficulty. In his later days, he could not be separated from it, and had he lived 10,000 years, his story would only have become more detailed, and never more complete.

The Lord of the Rings is a fortuitous confluence of narrative skill, education, and a lifelong obsession. It could very easily have sucked donkey balls. But it didn't, and a genre of fiction is the result. If four decades of Tolkien's followers have dampened our appreciation of the original, we need only consider the legacy it inspired to truly judge its power.

Publication Status:

• Submitted: 5
  
• Accepted: 1
• Rejected: 1
• Pending: 3

A Tour of My Bookshelves, Part 3 of 33

Confession: I've been putting off writing this weekend, hoping that the resumption of my usual schedule tomorrow morning will get me out of the doldrums.

Reading:

• "My Brother Eli" by Joseph Epstein
  
• The House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton
  

Writing:

• "Ferian Fetlock Catches a Cold"

Revising:

• "The Revenant"

Future Projects:

• Dairhenien's Library - Development
  
• Floorcraft - First rewrite of 1-5, first draft of 6-8
• Ferian Fetlock - "Ferian Fetlock Takes a Wife."
  
• "Motley" - Expansion
• "Fireworks and Earthworks" - 5% into first draft
  
• Untitled School Mistress Story

Unpublished Stories/Status (in chronological order of completion of first draft)

• "Pictures of the Old Port" - 5th Draft, Unsubmitted
• "What Price Stamps" - 3rd Draft, Submitted to The American Drivel Review, July 30th, 2008
  
• "The Frost Fugling" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Black Pudding" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Cora and the Sea" - 3rd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Motley" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Leaves and Sunsets" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "A Happy Ending" - 1st Draft, Unsubmitted
• "The Revenant" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
  
• "Illuminated" - 3rd Draft, Unsubmitted
  
• "A Cup of Coffee" / "Morning Tea" - 2nd Draft, Submitted to Tea: A Magazine, July 29th, 2008
• "Ferian Fetlock Cures a Horse" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Hattie Donnelly's Favorite Doll" - 2nd Draft, Submitted to 24 Hour Short Story Contest, July 27th, 2008

The previous entries in this series:

• Part 1
• Part 2

Check it out! It's the Wall of Lost Paperbacks!

That's what I call it, at least. I wouldn't say that all of the paperback books in my apartment are on this shelf, but a goodly portion of them. Something you'll notice is that whenever I am serious about an author, I buy everything I can find of theirs in hardcover. If it doesn't exist in hardcover, I'll try to at least get the trade paperback.

There's just something about the feel of a hardcover book that I love. It feels truer somehow, more like a "real" book. They are more durable over repeating readings, that's for sure. That's something that I discovered very early, as my favorite books began to look like last year Almanac, hanging from a string in the outhouse.

As they have been replaced, they make their way to the Wall of Lost Paperbacks. There they join other books that I don't have in hardcover yet, but plan to get some day. Many of these are paperback "classics" that I purchased earlier in my life, or was given, or obtained for free somehow. Back at Georgetown, there were occasional book sales and giveaways in front of the library, and I always stocked up.

I am not ashamed to say that I haven't read every book I own. What's the fun in that? At any moment, I'm only seconds away from never-before-experienced literature. Still, I would say that the percentage is pretty low, about 5% unread, at any given time.

The percentage on this shelf is probably closer to 30%. Oh, I'll read them eventually, I'm sure, but you see, they're in paperback. It feels like I'm cheating to read them.

I won't go volume by volume on the Wall of Lost Paperbacks, since many will reappear on other shelves. Someday, I might do a bonus post and reveal the hidden back row of the shelf. But not today.

Publication Status:

• Submitted: 5
  
• Accepted: 1
• Rejected: 1
• Pending: 3

A good measure of progress

Confession: I lived today on fast forward, or maybe pause. What do you call it when you just watch the Olympics and nap?

Reading:

• "My Brother Eli" by Joseph Epstein
  
• The House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton
  

Writing:

• "Ferian Fetlock Catches a Cold"

Revising:

• "The Revenant"

Future Projects:

• Dairhenien's Library - Development
  
• Floorcraft - First rewrite of 1-5, first draft of 6-8
• Ferian Fetlock - "Ferian Fetlock Takes a Wife."
  
• "Motley" - Expansion
• "Fireworks and Earthworks" - 5% into first draft
  
• Untitled School Mistress Story

Unpublished Stories/Status (in chronological order of completion of first draft)

• "Pictures of the Old Port" - 5th Draft, Unsubmitted
• "What Price Stamps" - 3rd Draft, Submitted to The American Drivel Review, July 30th, 2008
  
• "The Frost Fugling" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Black Pudding" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Cora and the Sea" - 3rd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Motley" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Leaves and Sunsets" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "A Happy Ending" - 1st Draft, Unsubmitted
• "The Revenant" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
  
• "Illuminated" - 3rd Draft, Unsubmitted
  
• "A Cup of Coffee" / "Morning Tea" - 2nd Draft, Submitted to Tea: A Magazine, July 29th, 2008
• "Ferian Fetlock Cures a Horse" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Hattie Donnelly's Favorite Doll" - 2nd Draft, Submitted to 24 Hour Short Story Contest, July 27th, 2008

What is a sufficient measure of progress for writing? All this crap that I copy out every day is supposed to remind me where I stand in terms of a writing career, but more and more, it has begun to fade into the background where I don't even read it anymore. Partly that is because last week my attention was otherwise occupied, but that's no excuse.

I read Brandon Sanderson's blog, where he uses progress bars on the left side of his blog to update his readers on the current status of his projects. It's all percentage based, but I'm guessing he has some underlying numbers to back that up. I would also bet that those numbers are useful for him, not just interesting to his readership.

For my writing projects, I feel I need to do the same thing. I would like to be able to update those numbers on a daily basis, either revision by percentage, or new story by word count or page count.

In fact, I'm going to make this goal. Every day, I need to update my progress in some way or another. I've gotten into the habit of doing this blog every day, and that's great, but if I let it become an end in itself, then I've defeated the point. This blog has served to keep me connected to writing when I haven't felt like it, but when I do feel like it, there should be a lot more going on behind the scenes than is immediately apparent.

So starting on Monday, that's what I'll do. Every day, something will update. What I'm reading, what I'm writing, what I'm revising, what I'm submitting. On the day I get a response on a story, that can be my update for the day, thereby earning me a "free" day. In that way, I know that I will have constant progress.

So far, I've managed to keep from sliding backwards. Now I just need to keep going forwards.

Publication Status:

• Submitted: 5
  
• Accepted: 1
• Rejected: 1
• Pending: 3

Stepping into another life

Confession: I'm posting this at nearly 1am, so technically speaking, I didn't post at all on August 16th. But I'm going to allow myself the leeway, because the alternative is not posting at all, and that hardly feels constructive.

Reading:

• "My Brother Eli" by Joseph Epstein
  
• The House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton
  

Writing:

• "Ferian Fetlock Catches a Cold"

Revising:

• "The Revenant"

Future Projects:

• Dairhenien's Library - Development
  
• Floorcraft - First rewrite of 1-5, first draft of 6-8
• Ferian Fetlock - "Ferian Fetlock Takes a Wife."
  
• "Motley" - Expansion
• "Fireworks and Earthworks" - 5% into first draft
  
• Untitled School Mistress Story

Unpublished Stories/Status (in chronological order of completion of first draft)

• "Pictures of the Old Port" - 5th Draft, Unsubmitted
• "What Price Stamps" - 3rd Draft, Submitted to The American Drivel Review, July 30th, 2008
  
• "The Frost Fugling" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Black Pudding" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Cora and the Sea" - 3rd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Motley" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Leaves and Sunsets" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "A Happy Ending" - 1st Draft, Unsubmitted
• "The Revenant" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
  
• "Illuminated" - 3rd Draft, Unsubmitted
  
• "A Cup of Coffee" / "Morning Tea" - 2nd Draft, Submitted to Tea: A Magazine, July 29th, 2008
• "Ferian Fetlock Cures a Horse" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Hattie Donnelly's Favorite Doll" - 2nd Draft, Submitted to 24 Hour Short Story Contest, July 27th, 2008

Picture the scene: Coming out of the airport at 11:30pm, weighed down by three bags, none of which roll. I had just called the car service, which has told me that car 696 will be picking me up, a black Lincoln Continental with Silver Star Limo service.

I hear a shout from across the way and see just such a car, with a person in front of it waving me down. Gratefully, I dart across the street and stand behind the trunk, waiting for him to pop it open. To my surprise he doesn't, scrutinizing me closely instead.

"Are you MacKenzie?" he asks. I advise him that I am not, and discover that my own ride is two cars down.

You might not think much of this scene, but in my travel-addled brain, it started me thinking. What if you stepped into that other car, and somehow stepped into MacKenzie's life as well? Did he have a nice house, a lovely wife, kids? What does he do? Is he happy? Who is MacKenzie, and why was he coming back from the airport tonight?

There are no original ideas, and shows like Quantum Leap have done the other life what if scenario quite effectively. But something about the name, MacKenzie, and the idea of a mixup at the airport as the setting, made the idea jump out vividly to me. This is an idea, not a story, so don't be expecting to read it any time soon. But if you do eventually read about MacKenzie, you'll know that our lives touched, briefly, during the waning hours of August 15th, 2008.

Publication Status:

• Submitted: 5
  
• Accepted: 1
• Rejected: 1
• Pending: 3

The Day Job

Confession: The more successful I become in my day job, the less I feel like I writer. I hate that.

Reading:

• "My Brother Eli" by Joseph Epstein
  
• The House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton
  

Writing:

• "Ferian Fetlock Catches a Cold"

Revising:

• "The Revenant"

Future Projects:

• Dairhenien's Library - Development
  
• Floorcraft - First rewrite of 1-5, first draft of 6-8
• Ferian Fetlock - "Ferian Fetlock Takes a Wife."
  
• "Motley" - Expansion
• "Fireworks and Earthworks" - 5% into first draft
  
• Untitled School Mistress Story

Unpublished Stories/Status (in chronological order of completion of first draft)

• "Pictures of the Old Port" - 5th Draft, Unsubmitted
• "What Price Stamps" - 3rd Draft, Submitted to The American Drivel Review, July 30th, 2008
  
• "The Frost Fugling" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Black Pudding" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Cora and the Sea" - 3rd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Motley" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Leaves and Sunsets" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "A Happy Ending" - 1st Draft, Unsubmitted
• "The Revenant" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
  
• "Illuminated" - 3rd Draft, Unsubmitted
  
• "A Cup of Coffee" / "Morning Tea" - 2nd Draft, Submitted to Tea: A Magazine, July 29th, 2008
• "Ferian Fetlock Cures a Horse" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Hattie Donnelly's Favorite Doll" - 2nd Draft, Submitted to 24 Hour Short Story Contest, July 27th, 2008

First off, if you're interested in seeing pictures from the reading, there is a slide show available here. Don't expect to see me right away, or very much at all, for that matter. I read sixth out of seven, and by that time, they got tired of taking pictures. In fact, most of the pictures during my segment are of the crowd. At least they don't look altogether too bored.

Second, I'm going to make a departure from my usual format and expand upon the day's confession. I'm at the end of day three of a four day work trip, and it has gone very well. Like most trips, the real work will start when I get back and am in a position to follow up on everything that has transpired in my absence, and will transpire as a result of the trip.

As you might imagine, almost all of my "brain space" is filled with it, and I have had no time for writing lately. In fact, as I have noted in the past, sometimes this blog entry is the only writing or writing-related activity I do during the day. I expected that to be the case this week, but I did not anticipate how much that would bother me.

For months now, I have been going to Panera every morning for an hour or two of writing. I use the term loosely, as sometimes I'm actually just reading, or editing, or even thinking, but regardless, that was my writing time, and I could then go to work confident that I had already devoted time to my "real" job.

But today, at the end of my third day without that release, I'm starting to feel very isolated from that lifestyle. Sure, I'll be flying back home tomorrow, and I'll have all weekend to get it out of my system, and maybe get some narrative down for "Ferian." (I'm only in the outline stages now.) Still, at the moment, it's a very uncomfortable feeling.

And I'll tell you why. The more involved in my day job I get, the more I start to define myself by it. It's a subtle thing, insidious even. There's a certain comfort in being in a ready-made position. It may not fit me perfectly, but it fits well, like a suit right off the rack. I could visually myself doing this long term, and I very well might.

Writing, however, is a job that I'm trying to create for myself. It's like I'm building a house, but I already live in a very serviceable apartment. During weeks like this, I don't get to leave that metaphorical apartment, and I start to wonder why I need a house at all. Especially since I'm looking out the metaphorical window of that metaphorical house and realizing that the work I've done so far, which seems so significant up close, dwindles to nothing from this vantage point.

I feel like I've lost the metaphor, so I will explain. When I'm cut off from all the reasons that I love to write, it seems foolish to go to so much work for so little potential gain.

The thing is, I know that when I get back to Bohemia (damn, I still love the name of that town), I will settle back into my daily habit and the feeling will almost certainly return. But even in my own blog, I can't manage to get rid of that "almost," which means that there is a slight sliver of doubt. And that's what's bothering me.

Publication Status:

• Submitted: 5
  
• Accepted: 1
• Rejected: 1
• Pending: 3

A Tour of My Bookshelves, Part 2 of 33

Confession: I didn't want to go to Mango's today, but I did anyway. For exactly five minutes. What is the value of obeying the letter, but not the spirit, of a promise?

Reading:

• "My Brother Eli" by Joseph Epstein
  
• The House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton
  

Writing:

• "Ferian Fetlock Catches a Cold"

Revising:

• "The Revenant"

Future Projects:

• Dairhenien's Library - Development
  
• Floorcraft - First rewrite of 1-5, first draft of 6-8
• Ferian Fetlock - "Ferian Fetlock Takes a Wife."
  
• "Motley" - Expansion
• "Fireworks and Earthworks" - 5% into first draft
  
• Untitled School Mistress Story

Unpublished Stories/Status (in chronological order of completion of first draft)

• "Pictures of the Old Port" - 5th Draft, Unsubmitted
• "What Price Stamps" - 3rd Draft, Submitted to The American Drivel Review, July 30th, 2008
  
• "The Frost Fugling" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Black Pudding" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Cora and the Sea" - 3rd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Motley" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Leaves and Sunsets" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "A Happy Ending" - 1st Draft, Unsubmitted
• "The Revenant" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
  
• "Illuminated" - 3rd Draft, Unsubmitted
  
• "A Cup of Coffee" / "Morning Tea" - 2nd Draft, Submitted to Tea: A Magazine, July 29th, 2008
• "Ferian Fetlock Cures a Horse" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Hattie Donnelly's Favorite Doll" - 2nd Draft, Submitted to 24 Hour Short Story Contest, July 27th, 2008

The previous entry in this series can be found here.

I continue the tour of my bookshelves with the remainder of my P.G. Wodehouse collection. As you can see, it occupies the right third of this shelf. Following the Wodehouse novels and short stories, you can see another couple of volumes related to those, one of which offers quotations from various Wodehouse works on varied themes, and another which explores the character and relations between Wodehouse's various sagas, many of which interconnected.

From Wodehouse, I move on to other books of humor. Dave Barry, of course, has to be in there, as does the Onion, America: The Book, and I Am America (And So Can You!). These are all classic, of course, and should be read by everyone.

Also note the Mark Twain, one of the funniest humorists of any century, plus... you guessed it... more P.G. Wodehouse! These are some of the paperbacks I bought before I knew that the hardcover collection existed, and I can't bear to get rid of them--at least not until I have their entire contents in hardcover. As one of them includes short stories collected from dozens of volumes, they won't be leaving my shelves any time soon.

I also have a couple of the Worst Case Scenario Survival Guides, which were funny at first, but then just got old. I also have some scripts from Fawlty Towers and Are You Being Served?, two excellent British comedies of bygone years.

At the far right is A Treasury of Humor and Toastmaster Handbook. I do not recommend this book to anyone. It features the least amusing anecdotes that I have ever heard in my life. Seriously. It's one of the few books that I have seriously considered getting rid of, but I kept it just because you never know when a really bad anecdote might be just the thing you need.

Lying in "recently purchased but unable to file" position on top of the others is the Barrytown Trilogy by Roddy Doyle. My faithful readers, assuming there are such beings, will remember when I read through the latter two volumes of this trilogy at just about the time I started this blog. They are extremely funny, if you can read through an Irish accent and don't mind seeing the word "cunt" in print.

If you do, I guess I just lost a faithful reader. Dammit.

My final note is on 1066 and All That. It is a parody of British history, written as if by someone who is trying to recall the British history he learned in school, but has confused and forgotten. The only important date in British history, of course, being 1066.

Honestly, I learned a lot about British history by not getting the jokes, and caring enough to look up the references. I have carried this tradition through to my viewing of The Daily Show. I don't get my news from Jon Stewart. He just inspires me to care about it.

Publication Status:

• Submitted: 5
  
• Accepted: 1
• Rejected: 1
• Pending: 3

Creepy!

Confession: It feels like I'm posting this late, but I wrote the last entry in the morning, and today in the late evening. And it has been a loooong day.

Reading:

• "My Brother Eli" by Joseph Epstein
  
• The House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton
  

Writing:

• "Ferian Fetlock Catches a Cold"
  

Revising:

• "The Revenant"

Future Projects:

• Dairhenien's Library - Development
  
• Floorcraft - First rewrite of 1-5, first draft of 6-8
• Ferian Fetlock - "Ferian Fetlock Takes a Wife."
  
• "Motley" - Expansion
• "Fireworks and Earthworks" - 5% into first draft
  
• Untitled School Mistress Story

Unpublished Stories/Status (in chronological order of completion of first draft)

• "Pictures of the Old Port" - 5th Draft, Unsubmitted
• "What Price Stamps" - 3rd Draft, Submitted to The American Drivel Review, July 30th, 2008
  
• "The Frost Fugling" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Black Pudding" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Cora and the Sea" - 3rd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Motley" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Leaves and Sunsets" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "A Happy Ending" - 1st Draft, Unsubmitted
• "The Revenant" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
  
• "Illuminated" - 3rd Draft, Unsubmitted
  
• "A Cup of Coffee" / "Morning Tea" - 2nd Draft, Submitted to Tea: A Magazine, July 29th, 2008
• "Ferian Fetlock Cures a Horse" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Hattie Donnelly's Favorite Doll" - 2nd Draft, Submitted to 24 Hour Short Story Contest, July 27th, 2008

First off, the reading went swimmingly. Almost literally--it started to rain during the second reader, and didn't stop until the seventh. Still, "Cora and the Sea" is all about weathering storms, so it fit. Everyone said I did a great job, which made me glow in several non-visible ways. I was even more gratified just by the presence of those who came. They know who they are, and they know it meant a lot to me.

I'm on a work trip to Miami right now, so my entries might be short for the next couple of days. The one good thing, though, is that plane rides give you lots of time for reading! And I finished "Riding the Doghouse" at 30,000 feet today.

It was a creepy, creepy story. It's constructed as a frame of the present day, with the author worrying about his son in the middle of the night, which then transitions to the author at that age. There is some unsettling imagery in the first section, but not enough to send it completely off the deep end.

At first, I think the story is a pretty straightforward one, of a boy who is slightly ashamed that his father drives a truck while his friend's dad works in an office. I was comfortable with that kind of story. I knew where it was going.

Which is why when the boy got on the CB radio and began talking to an initially-friendly trucker, I thought he was just breaking Daddy's rules. As it turned out, the other trucker was in the same parking lot--and Daddy was nowhere around. The conversation soon became very, very disturbing, in a way that I associate most with horror movies--non-sequitur philosophical statements paired with threats and baseless hostility and oh my GOD that was a creepy story.

I think what made it so effective was the way the mood transitioned from youthful rebellion to near-horror. Had it begun as a horror story, there would not have been as far to go. The author does the storytelling equivalent of cranking us up the first big hill of a roller coaster before letting us go. He gives us plenty of room to drop!

Publication Status:

• Submitted: 5
  
• Accepted: 1
• Rejected: 1
• Pending: 3

The Perfect Library

Confession: When I was at my poorest, I used to buy DVD season sets to distract me from how poor I was. Allow me to point out that this was stupid.

Reading:

• "Riding the Doghouse" by Randy DeVita
  
• The House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton
  

Writing:

• "Ferian Fetlock Catches a Cold"
  

Revising:

• "The Revenant"

Future Projects:

• Dairhenien's Library - Development
  
• Floorcraft - First rewrite of 1-5, first draft of 6-8
• Ferian Fetlock - "Ferian Fetlock Takes a Wife."
  
• "Motley" - Expansion
• "Fireworks and Earthworks" - 5% into first draft
  
• Untitled School Mistress Story

Unpublished Stories/Status (in chronological order of completion of first draft)

• "Pictures of the Old Port" - 5th Draft, Unsubmitted
• "What Price Stamps" - 3rd Draft, Submitted to The American Drivel Review, July 30th, 2008
  
• "The Frost Fugling" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Black Pudding" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Cora and the Sea" - 3rd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Motley" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Leaves and Sunsets" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "A Happy Ending" - 1st Draft, Unsubmitted
• "The Revenant" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
  
• "Illuminated" - 3rd Draft, Unsubmitted
  
• "A Cup of Coffee" / "Morning Tea" - 2nd Draft, Submitted to Tea: A Magazine, July 29th, 2008
• "Ferian Fetlock Cures a Horse" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Hattie Donnelly's Favorite Doll" - 2nd Draft, Submitted to 24 Hour Short Story Contest, July 27th, 2008

It's a mental picture that has really hasn't changed that much over the years--the perfect library. If I ever have the money to custom build my own house, this room will definitely be in there. In fact, I picture it on the right hand side of the house, as you face the front door, in a wing by itself.

It's a rectangular room, but not extra long--probably following the golden ratio--that's the kind of thought that would appeal to me. It's two stories in height. There is a set of double doors that leads from the rest of the house into the room.

As you walk inside, there are glass-covered bookcases lining the walls. Every ten feet or so, they are broken by a tall window that stretches from floor to ceiling, with a semi-circular top. There are three on each side, and they can let in lots of light, but there are also thick curtains that could be kept closed most of the time to protect the books from the light.

Imagine that you are just inside the door, and you look up. Above your head, you see a balcony, and as your eye follows it, you see that it runs along three of the four walls, all except the wall opposite. To your left and right are spiral staircases which lead up to the balcony. There is a railing on the balcony, of course, and on the walls (except where interrupted by windows) are further bookcases. The railing picks up on both sides of the balcony where the windows stretch up. In all, the balcony is about six feet wide, and is supported on the bottom by columns which stretch down to the floor below.

The floor is wood, of course, but there is a large rug in the middle of the room. Along the left side of the room is a series of armchairs and tables, with accompanying floor lamps. On the right side are writing desks and less comfortable chairs, and small desk lamps. There are four sets of these; two, then a glass display case, then another two. In the glass display case can be found a set of interesting objects, the more random the better.

In the very middle of the room is a large globe on a stand. The armchairs and desks are not in a straight line, but in a subtle arc with the globe at the center.

The balcony above ends just sort of the end of the left and right walls. At each corner is another spiral staircase, each going in opposite directions because we must have symmetry. On the far wall are two more tall, arched windows, flanking a fireplace. This fireplace is about six feet across and three or four deep, about five feet tall. The mantle around it is carved wood, and there is a brick chimney that goes up towards the ceiling.

The windows on the sides are French windows at the base, so that they can open up to the garden. As I am far less interested in plants than I am in books, I have no clear picture of the garden. (Hell, if I can afford to build a house to my specifications, I can certainly hire someone to design and maintain a garden, right?) But there's got to be one.

I almost forgot to mention. On the left of the door, past the staircase, is a large card catalog. To the right is a rolltop desk which hides a computer and printer. The computer will run the catalog, and will also be set up to print up card catalog cards, which can be filed in the physical card catalog.

One last thing--the ceiling. It should continue to arch up from the point where the highest bookshelves reach. I picture one, perhaps two chandeliers that hang from the center for the main illumination.

Until writing this post, I hadn't realized how clear a vision I had of this house. I also have a clear vision of my study, the bedroom, the ballroom, and the living room. Plus there's a mead hall, which probably deserves its own post.

I mention all of this here because this is one of the places in my head that I go when I'm writing, wherever I happen to be physically. It also informs, and is informed by, my conception of Dairhenien's Library, which I have mentioned before and will no doubt mention again.

By the way--public reading in T minus 10 hours 36 minutes. Wish me luck.

Publication Status:

• Submitted: 5
  
• Accepted: 1
• Rejected: 1
• Pending: 3

Reading Aloud

Confession: Over the last couple of months, I've suddenly realized that I have a social life. Where the hell did that come from?

Reading:

• "Riding the Doghouse" by Randy DeVita
  
• The House of Mirth, by Edith Wharton
  

Writing:

• "Ferian Fetlock Catches a Cold"
  

Revising:

• "The Revenant"

Future Projects:

• Dairhenien's Library - Development
  
• Floorcraft - First rewrite of 1-5, first draft of 6-8
• Ferian Fetlock - "Ferian Fetlock Takes a Wife."
  
• "Motley" - Expansion
• "Fireworks and Earthworks" - 5% into first draft
  
• Untitled School Mistress Story

Unpublished Stories/Status (in chronological order of completion of first draft)

• "Pictures of the Old Port" - 5th Draft, Unsubmitted
• "What Price Stamps" - 3rd Draft, Submitted to The American Drivel Review, July 30th, 2008
  
• "The Frost Fugling" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Black Pudding" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Cora and the Sea" - 3rd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Motley" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Leaves and Sunsets" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "A Happy Ending" - 1st Draft, Unsubmitted
• "The Revenant" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
  
• "Illuminated" - 3rd Draft, Unsubmitted
  
• "A Cup of Coffee" / "Morning Tea" - 2nd Draft, Submitted to Tea: A Magazine, July 29th, 2008
• "Ferian Fetlock Cures a Horse" - 2nd Draft, Unsubmitted
• "Hattie Donnelly's Favorite Doll" - 2nd Draft, Submitted to 24 Hour Short Story Contest, July 27th, 2008

"So... are you nervous?"

That's the question I got today about my reading tomorrow at the Summer Gazebo Reading Series. The answer? Quite honestly no, no I'm not nervous.

Partly that's because I've been reading my stories aloud for several years now, both with the Long Island Writers' Guild and before with the Mid South Writers' Association. When I was in high school, I was selected to read one of my stories at the Library of Congress, and I've got it on film to prove it. My parents like to tell the story of the time I called an entire auditorium to attention, 1,000 students and their parents, after some administrator or other handed me a microphone and told me to get everyone quieted down. I was twelve.

In other words, I've never been timid about public speaking. In fact, when it comes right down to it, I'm a bit of a showoff. It's a miracle I never got sucked into the theater department. For whatever reason, the idea of having thousands of pairs of eyes staring at me while I speak has always been energizing rather than nerve-wracking.

I recognize that this is a trait that is not altogether common among writers. After all, isn't it the writer's task to sit in a room, alone, and pour his or her thoughts out on paper? Reading printed words is intimate. It's one-on-one. It's a conversation between the writer and the reader. And good news, shy writers--you don't even have to be there to have that conversation!

So I can understand why this would be attractive to the solitary and retiring personality. But believe it or not, it's the part of writing that makes me the most nervous.

I hate to be in a room when someone is reading what I've written. I fidget. I tap my feet. I can't sit still. I feel an urge to talk to the reader, to interrupt them, to apologize for what they're reading and even distract them away from it.

How is it that the massive group presentation doesn't scare me, but a one-on-one reading does? I think there are a couple of causes. First, it's because there's a kind of safety that comes with reading aloud to a large group. No, hear me out. There's a kind of role that an audience member fills, certain behaviors expected of them. The same is true for the speaker. There's a kind of anonymity in being a speaker as well as being in the audience. Honestly, if you want people not to notice you, go on stage and start talking. The trick is getting them to start paying attention.

But in an intimate setting, there is no escape. There is no anonymity. Your work is bare-assed to the world, and you can't defend it.

When I read a story aloud, I read with emotion, with feeling. If anything is phrased awkwardly, I can usually contrive to read it in such a way that it still sounds decent. In other words, I have some sort of control over how the story is perceived. But when it's just text on paper at the mercy of any interpretation, well, you can only cross your fingers and hope for the best.

So tomorrow when I stride onto the stage (okay, gazebo) and belt out seven minutes of finely crafted narrative, don't feel too jealous. We all have our own hangups to get over.

Publication Status:

• Submitted: 5
  
• Accepted: 1
• Rejected: 1
• Pending: 3